Of Selling Parsley and First Kisses
by NatsuhiNamikaze
Summary: Well damn. She will do this. She will sell the aforementioned accursed vegetable and show them that she can do this. And she will do it with dignity and her head held high. "Alice?" a voice came from behind her. Damn. Just kill her now. Modern day AU Brelice, rated T just to be safe.


**Summary:** Well fuck. She will do this. She will sell the aforementioned accursed vegetable and show them that she can do this. And she will do it with dignity and her head held high.  
"Alice?" a voice came from behind her. Fuck. Just kill her now.  
Modern day AU Brelice, rated T just to be safe.

**Warning(s):** Nothing that could not be fit into T, but if I really have to then I could warn you about weirdness and randomness... oh, and drunken ramblings. Seriously, beware of drunken ramblings! And _pálinka_ too, if you ever decide to visit Hungary. Belive me, you won't like it. (Maybe, only the cherry one- that's real good, gah, now that I said this I'll have to look out for angry mobs for the rest of my life *sob*)

**Disclaimer:** Sadly I don't and never will own Pandora Hearts or any of its characters.

**Of Selling Parsley and First Kisses  
**_**(Something old)**_

She should've known it was all just a trap. Looking back at it now, there was no way that otherwise they would call her at ten friggin' o'clock on a perfectly normal Friday night when she, Hell they all had to be at work at six sharp in the next morning.

It was as plain as daylight they was plotting something the very moment the fucking telephone ringed and woke her from a very pleasant dream of world domination and the discovery of an inexhaustible meat supply.

You may ask now, dear reader, how is all that relevant and I'll explain it in due time. So now let us briefly overview the main happenings that eventually piled up to be the ridiculous and complex mess that just so happens to be our plot.

It all began on a perfectly normal and eventless evening when she was all alone with nothing remotely watchable on TV and was otherwise plotting the downfall of the white-haired idiot also known as Xerxes Break.

And why was that? Because the clown bastard had the nerve to go on a long weekend with his friends (the thought of him actually having friends made her gag). And with _'going'_ I mean _'dragged out while being tied up from his arms to his ankles'_.

You see, he was in fact less than pleased with the idea of having to spend three whole days with the seaweed head and his creepy brother (not that she could not understand him) so just for the hell of it Alice sold out his hiding place under the coach to Oscar and Oz, the ones who came to fetch him. And she rolled on the floor laughing hysterically as he was dragged away and mouthing _'You will dearly pay for this, little rabbit!'_

But now, not even an hour later she was all alone and generally pissed off that she must work on a Saturday and with nothing better to do she ate three whole stakes and stomped off to bed. She even slammed the bedroom door behind herself to prove a point, though she was unsure of what point exactly and to whom.

Then as she was at the best part of her dream which was when they crowned her queen of the world while her meat guardsmen sang and danced around her throne, her goddamn cell had to ring and chase away all the tasty images.

"Alice!" came her co-worker's excessively excited voice over the phone when she finally answered it. "There's big trouble! Meet me in an hour-"

"Sharon?" Alice mumbled half-asleep and with every intent to go back sleeping after a particularly big yawn. "It can wait. I'm sleepy and we will meet in a few hours-"

"You will be there for Big Sister, won't you?" her voice sounded like normal, but there was a silent force in it, one that made Alice tremble in fear and look for the closest hiding place.

Damn. She forgot that one does not simply say no to Sharon.

So as quickly as it was humanly possible for someone who was still groggy after being unmercifully woken up and cursing under her breath Alice had thrown some clothes on herself unceremoniously and left her apartment in a hurry. Sleep can wait for now. Because she would be done for if she further displeased her friend.

It was only half an hour later, when the coffee shop she worked at came to view as she was running through the streets looking like every bit of a mad woman, with hair disheveled and her arms half-way in her bolero- only then did it occur to her that who in their right mind would call up an emergency meeting to eleven at night.

There was no lights on in the little shop and Alice huffed indignantly (but happily, believing she could go back to sleep now) thinking that she had been set up- that is until she saw Sharon wave before the entrance.

"So what was so urgent that it couldn't wait until dawn?" Yup, every minute before noon falls under the category of 'dawn' for Alice. And yes, if she would've been a little more awake maybe she would've seen the demonic shine in the strawberry blond's eyes when she got out the keys from her handbag.

"No time to explain. Come!" Sharon said and she already tugged Alice inside by her wrist.

"What? Why?" the brunette asked while she tried to free her wrists and hissed when that poor part of her arm turned into a painful angle. Mistake number two: you never escape from Sharon. Ever.

"You'll see." giggled the older girl as she opened the door and pushed Alice inside. The brunette's eyes did not even got the chance to adjust to the darkness when with a _click_ the lights turned on.

"Congratulations!" shouted everyone from different parts of the room and the still madly blinking girl was swept up in warm hugs. Sadly their number was only three.

"What for?" Alice was dumbfounded. She had no memories of this place ever existing in the- oh wait. She knew that particular shade of beige! It was exactly like the walls of the shop's interior!

But said room went over quite a bit of rearrangement in the four hours since her shift ended which caused her momentary confusion: the comfy armchairs and coaches was arranged in a neet little semicircle while tables was stacked with snacks between them. Also everything was covered in colourful balloons and serpentine with confetti thrown all over the place. Come to think of it, the decoration looked suspiciously like the one they used for New Year's.

"Since you will be taken off the market for good in two weeks or so I heard," chipped in Lottie while balancing a tray with champagne and glasses in her hand. She was the one who undertook the position of waitress for the night. "and they did not want you to look like crap on your wedding day so Sharon decided to bring forward the party to celebrate your last free night."

For a party there wasn't very much people invited, stated Alice sadly. Compared to the Clown's own party where she knew there was four people invited (and about three uninvited), in her's there was only Alyss, Sharon, Echo and Ada present. She didn't know why wasn't Echo with seaweed head's brother like always and couldn't comprehend why was the blond twit even invited. So she was fairly sure those two could be safely scratched off from the list.

"Here, put this on!" chuckled Alyss, Alice's white-haired twin as she tossed something _colorful_ in her hands. It was an originally white T-shirt heavily decorated with hearts and flowers in all kinds of different colours and under a picture of a bride and groom was captions such as _'Game over'_ and _'Warning! Bachelorette party in progress!'_.

Suddenly Alice was full of misgivings, but put on the silly shirt anyway. Besides, there was no way she could just put something aside that Sharon and Alyss worked countless hours on (or so they said) and live to tell the tale- upcoming wedding or not.

"First of all," Sharon began as the drinks was passed around and everybody had her own glass. "we would like to congratulate you and Xerx-nii on your engagement and wish for your happiness and a lot of little ones. Preferably girls and very soon."

"Hey Sharon, isn't that just what you want?" cut in Lottie while everyone sweatdropped. Sharon's obsession with little girls and playing big sister for them was well-known in the little shop.

"Anyway," continued Sharon as if nothing had happened. "since this is the last time we can all party like this, let's make it as memorable as possible. Cheers!"

And so in the name of _'memorable'_ Alice soon enough found herself out in the streets of Reveille in a stupid shirt, steps a little wobbly and with a bunch of parched green _things_ in her hands. Mind you, their name was parsley and they was already in this condition when she was mercilessly shoved out to the streets with Echo and a camera on her heels so she could not just toss it into the first garbage bin she came across.

The idea of selling them (each bunch for a ridiculously high price of $5) came from Sharon, who in the middle of pleasant conversation and occasional drinking just pulled them out from under the table and declared that in order to finance the further consumption of alcohol (and also to prove that she was worthy and ready to marry) she had to sell them to three different males she could find and with her earnings bring back proof of her success in the camera that was entrusted to Echo.

At first Alice could only laugh at how easy the challenge seemed like, but at minute 18 and nearing the end of the half an hour time limit while she was in the middle of fuming and cursing (just where in the hell was all the male population of the town in this lovely time of quarter past one on Saturday morning?) when she had a sudden epiphany after nearly tripping up in her own legs and choking back angry tears: all of her problems could be traced back to none other than Sharon and the Clown!

Okay, maybe at first glance that could be seem a bit cruel and unfair, but it made perfect sense and it was the truth!

You see, it was Sharon who on a perfectly fine and peaceful day brought along the Clowny Bastard also known as Xerxes Break to her grandmother's coffee shop, the one that she, Alice was also working at! And then that Clown had to take a liking to her and be a constant costumer (with or without Sharon) and always beg and ask and bother her at first for her name then for all kinds of information about her and if he received none then with his idiotic _clowny_ tricks he would gouge it out of her co-workers.

And when he was satisfied with the info he gathered with his nasty ways then he wouldn't leave her alone until she agreed to a date (and to achieve that he used all her co-workers combined with his cronies and even had the nerve to befriend her childhood friend, Oz too) and she just had to slowly start not to dislike him until she actually kind of liked him and he took advantage of that and made her fall for him, just to when life was good and they steadily dated for nearly two years and lived together for more than a half, it was then he sneakily and out of the blue had to ask for her hand and she- unaware of what it will lead to- agreed.

Well, fuck him. He knew there was very few things she could deny him in those precious moments after that passionate event (she blushed even at the thought of it) when nothing else existed for them just each other. On those nights his hands will still wander on her skin, memorizing every little detail of her body long after their thirst was quenched for each other's closeness and with his feather-light touch slowly lull her to a blissful half-asleep state.

It was a state when she would agree to anything that was said to her and that's exactly the time that sly son of a bitch chose to ask that stupid question of his and now she was in this mess with vegetables in her hands that with a catchy little song (she actually caught herself humming it) mocked her inability to find someone who would buy them.

And that brought up the question of how the fuck was she supposed to find three idio- I mean, three kind strangers who would buy them at half past one?

She could already see her friends' face transform into the seaweed head's and hear them say _'See, I told you the stupid rabbit can't even do something so simple like this.'_ in the seaweed head's annoying voice and Alice suddenly got very angry.

Well fuck. She will do this. She will sell the aforementioned accursed vegetable and show them (especially the seaweed head in Sharon's cute purple one-piece dress that reached to his knee and had a pink bow on the left breast) that she can do this. And she will do it with dignity and her head held high.

"Alice?" she was just about to stomp away when the familiar voice came from behind her. Fuck. Just kill her now.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you all perform at a circus instead?" she snarled at the three Xerxes Breaks she was seeing. They were all staring questioningly at the greens clenched in her hand before a Cheshire cat smile stretched out on their handsome face and they pulled her in a dark alley.

"How cruel." he chuckled as he pushed her up against the wall. "Even though I escaped to be with you." he answered while leaning close to her just as his hands found their way under her skirt and something dark flashed across his eye. Oops! Not a good sign. "Now little rabbit, name one good enough reason why I shouldn't have my own wicked ways with you right now."

"Because you're shy?" Alice answered weakly. Damn, it was hard to concentrate with his hands wondering so freely and shamelessly.

"Not a chance." he chuckled again and finally closed that annoying distance between them. Their moment did not last long however, because a storm of familiar and quite loud voices from outside of their own little world caught up to them.

"_There he is!"_

"_Break you idiot, how did you escape?"_

"_Don't let him get away, Gil!"_

"_Quick, Hatter, hide somewhere we can't find you!"_

"_Vince!"_ along with a collective_ "Don't encourage him!"_

"_Why? We don't need anybody else, and certainly not him to have a good time, right Brother?"_

"Damn, it looks like this is my cue to relocate." the brown-haired girl snorted at his absolute refusal to say _'escape'_. "Well then, later Alice-kun~" one last kiss and he disappeared behind a garbage bin leaving behind a slightly flushed and dizzy Alice. How the hell did he always vanish from the most ridiculous and impossible places like a fucking Houdini?

"Fuck, where did he go?" panted Oz when he arrived at the alley with his mismatched group of the seaweed head and his freakish brother, the four-eyed friend of the Clown, Oz's uncle, seaweed head's other little brother (also known as the Clown's personal stalker) and his four-eyed friend along with Alyss' boyfriend, Jack? What the hell was he even doing here?

"That way." pointed Alice to the direction the idiotic clown just disappeared from.

"Thanks, Alice." smiled the blonde boy thankfully before he rushed off with his sidekicks in his 'hunt down the clown' game as Alice called it. But not before the seaweed head could throw her a look as if he thought the brown-haired girl just escaped from a mental institute upon glancing at the things she was holding and mumbling _'stupid rabbit'_ as he stomped off.

You might think dear readers, that it was very cruel from Alice to sell out her fiancé a second time that day. You are probably right, but in defence of Alice let me just say two very important things: one, it was already one hour and twenty-two minutes into the new day, thus she only sold him out once at each of the two separate days and two: this normally Break-loving authoress agrees with Alice on that it was very enjoyable to see him run for his dear life.

"Minute twenty-five." it was Echo's monotone that brought her back to Earth from her daydreams and Alice shrieked angrily. That bastard just made her lose 6 whole, precious minutes! That white-haired son of a-

Alice was just about to march out from the dark alley, call it quits and rip off the head of Emily when... a thought came to her. Creepy, blue skinned, conveniently left home Emily. Poor, little, defenceless Emily. Maybe she will even tear out the stuffing of her. No, she will definitely do it.

Alice started to chuckle madly when she was satisfied with her next plan to take revenge on the clown, but instantly froze to the spot when her eyes fell on the thing just a few steps to her left that shone as brightly in the dark as a neon sign-

Well, it was a neon sign. And not just any neon sign! It was one that was right above a flight of stairs going down to one of the cellar clubs in town. A club! An open club! With people!

Heh, so the Clown did have his use after all...

"It's already quarter to two." it was Ada who interrupted the excited conversation that Alyss and Sharon had about this summer's color trend and cute accessories. "Alice is running late. Do you think she could make it?"

"Nah, I bet she already went home and buried the proof of her failure somewhere along the way." said Lottie as she handed Ada a glass chalice filled with ice-cream she ordered a few minutes ago.

"Sister won't do that! She's probably crying her eyes out somewhere or-" she could not finish her sentence, because at that exact time Alice bursted through the door with way more energy and confidence compared to when she left and had a conceited smile on her face that stretched technically from her left ear to the right.

"Worry not, the Great Mistress Alice had succeeded in completing your challenge to sold the abominable vegetables called parsley and way under the half an hour time limit!"

"Is that true Echo?" Lottie asked the white-haired girl with disbelief.

"Yes, Alice completed the task of selling the three bundles of parsley that was prepared beforehand to three different man in 28 minutes and 11 seconds."

"You recorded all of it, right? Let me see it!" Sharon demanded excitedly. Yes, demanded. You see, even if it sounded innocent enough there was a silent and deadly force behind it all that most probably originated from powerful black magic so none of her requests could be denied. There was no other way just to give in and do whatever the strawberry blond asked-

Alice stopped right in the middle of nodding her head in agreement with her own statement and was so pale that even ghosts would hide in shame if they happened to float into the little coffee shop.

Oh no! She forgot in the midst of all that upheaval that Echo was there the whole time with her camera. And she probably recorded everything that happened! Which means she even recorded _that_! Well, she would rather eat the whole damn thing than let anyone see what was on the tape!

"I don't think it's necessary! What matters is that I sold the vegetables. Here, I even brought back my earnings as proof!" interrupted Alice and she slammed all $16.40 on the table she got for the parsley. Yes, $16.40. You see one of the drank idi- I mean gentleman who kindly rid her of one of the offending vegetables just handed her everything that was in his pocket (that was exactly $6.40, some crumbled papers, a bunch of dead flowers and some unused ticket to some event or another last year) without a second glance and hey, who was she to question a drunk man's kindness?

"But I want to know how you did it. And you can't get your prize for completing the first test without us checking you did not just throw the parsley away or sold them to girls!" whined Sharon and Alice's ears perked up. Did she say prize? Maybe it was meat!

And that little moment of weakness was all that Sharon needed to get hold of the camera and now Alice got the doubtful privilege of hiding her burning cheeks behind one of the red pillows while she sat between her friends. Or would've, had they not laugh so hard they rolled on the floor.

"Y-you... Give me a... minute." Lottie stuttered out as she wiped tears from her cheeks. "You actually fell for that?"

"Yes, very funny." grumbled Alice sullenly.

"I know!" and Lottie was yet again rolling on the floor laughing.

"Could we not get stuck on the underhanded ways of the Clown and finally talk about my prize?"

"Ah yes, I nearly forgot about it with Xerx-nii and all..." Sharon said when she finally got enough strength to get up. She brushed off invisible dirt from her dress then whipped out several papers from her handbag and cleared her throat before reading the first few lines from the first one. "This little game (Alice snorted- wow, she did this quite a few times this night-, but Sharon continued as if nothing had happened) was so you could feel the full weight of the situation: this is what awaits you if you don't get married."

She folded up the pages and put them back to her handbag. "And now for your prize: Tada!" she shouted as she uncovered the tray Lily, Lottie's self-proclaimed little sister just brought in. And inside of it was-

"Cake? You sure this is not the Clowny Bastard's party?" Alice snorted indignantly when she saw her 'prize'.

"It's not just any cake! It's a yoghurt and raspberry one with white chocolate frosting and cute marzipan roses!" Sharon exclaimed as if that piece of confectionery was the answer for all of the world's problems with a possessed shine in her eyes. Now Alice could understand how was she on such good terms with the clown. They was both crazy!

"So cute! Can I try some, Sister?" swooned Alyss as she looked at her twin with hopeful eyes. Alice could swear she saw colorful stars and sparks fly around her sister and that made her gag. That is until a wicked smile crawled on her face and the brunette shielded the sweet with her body.

"No, it's mine. If you want some go get your own."

Before you make the false conclusion that Alice held any fondness for said confectionary, let me object most profoundly. You see, the motivation behind her sudden jaundice did not come from a sudden sweet-tooth either. It was simply revenge. Payback for that time when they was eleven and on one fine Sunday lunchtime Alyss had the face to eat the whole platter of grilled steak.

"That's so mean!"

"Like I care." Yup, she could still not get over that time. Not that she ever wanted to. She was merely waiting patiently and quietly for her time to come.

"Meanie!"

"Steak-stealer!"

"Huh?" Alyss looked at her twin with incomprehension as a catfight broke out between them that consisted of mainly flailing their arms around at the other's general direction while the names they had thrown at each other definitely escalated (or sank?) to the level of kindergarteners.

"Now-now Alice, you have to share with your friends." It was Sharon who broke up the siblings' fight. But not before a gentle nudge to the ribs from Lottie, who was far less amused with the childish duo and the strawberry blonde chuckled. They looked so cute with their eyes alight and cheeks flushed-

"Don't wanna." Alice's refusal was quick and cold like the icy wind on a January night and a collective horrified gasp left the other girls' throat. It was the first time they witnessed someone defy Sharon Rainsworth. _That_ Sharon Rainsworth. Alice looked surprised too.

"You will share, right Alice?" Sharon asked innocently, but Alice could only think of one thing and that was that she must stay strong and not yield to that dark energy pouring out from the very being of the older girl...

"But it's my-" Well, that came out weaker than she had planned.

"Right?"

"Yes, Big Sister Sharon..." Fuck, she had lost again.

"Ah, I'm so glad you finally called me that!" the strawberry blonde hugged the brunette who was scared stiff without taking notice of the white-haired girl's angry hiss and exclamation of _'Find your own sister, she's mine!'_. "Now it feels like I gained a little sister!"

I believe it's unnecessary for me to say that after finally calming down Alyss and coaxing back Alice from her stupor then eating the delicious cake (Alice even gave a slice to Lottie and Lily too- though it was not by her own free will, but rather Sharon's unequalled persuasion skills), the bachelorette party continued on its natural, if not a little wacky way.

The girls made Alice separate different kinds of pasta under the ridiculously short time of one minute while her eyes was bound with a dark purple scarf that smelled suspiciously like the clown (caramel and something musky) and that alone made her dazed for eight whole seconds before she remembered where she was...

Damn that Lottie, for choosing the smallest and easiest to confuse pastas. Still she could somehow, if not so elegantly manage (she should probably thank the Clowny Bastard for teaching her how to peak unnoticed someday- nah, it will only go to his head) and she got a whole bunch of kitchen equipments like strainers and kitchen-clothes from her friends as a prize along with the moral of _'Be strong in life and fight for success! You have to make sacrifices in life for everything, but the prize won't fail.'_

They also made her identify spices by smell before she could take off the scarf and while she still sneezed from inhaling nearly each of them (the combination of pepper, cinnamon, cooking soda and marjoram was killing her nostrils, damn she hated marjoram) she made it her new goal to kill them all and hide their rotting bodies under that small cottage the white-haired creep that happened to be her fiancé took her last summer. Her foul mood only intensified when they presented her with various fruit- and vegetable-shaped magnets that could be put on a fridge and a cooking book with the inevitable lesson of _'Smell them! Every man has his own faults.'_ though it escaped Alice how all that was relevant to the task.

But right now she had no time to think of a proper way to dispose of all of them at once, because she was too busy to observe them. Suspicion oozed from her every pore as she glared at the tight little circle the girls formed while discussing something. The topic was obviously their next scheme to torment her and her suspicions proved true when the giggling group pushed _her_ towards her.

"Lighten up a bit! It's a party!" slurred Lottie as she slammed down a plastic bottle before the brunette that suspiciously looked like it was a coke bottle in its previous life. Even if that was the case, right now it had no label on and held some amber-colored liquid.

Alice slowly looked up at the pinkette from her half-eaten and melting cup of cherry and chocolate ice-cream and arched a brow in question. There was already a bunch of empty cups and glasses littering the table.

"I want to play a game with you, Alice~!" Oh no! That tone was the unmistakable harbinger of trouble- and a whole lot of them.

"What game?" Alice asked apprehensively when she noticed she can't get up from the coach in her current state. She was not drunk, though not sober either, instead she was on the verge of a half-drunken state when she was still fully conscious of her actions, but her body felt heavy and sluggish. Which meant she could not escape, nor fight away the goddess of drunken mischief also known as Lottie Baskerville.

"As you can see we have prepared a little something for you. Drink it up!" the pinkette smiled encouragingly as she hopped down next to the brunette. Which only fuelled the other girl's misgivings.

"No way." she answered simply with the spoon still in her mouth after she finished the last bit of the heavenly cold confectionary. Even if it was June, there was no reason to be so hot in here. That is if the air conditioner worked. Which was obviously not the case now.

Come to think of it, a similar thing happened not so long ago in the past as Alice recalled. A few months before she started dating the clown their little group had a party to celebrate her birthday and in the middle of dawn when everybody settled down and was asleep a very much drunken seaweed head for a still unknown reason decided to wind up the thermostat and the little shop transformed into the fiery pits of Hell in the short matter of three and a half minutes.

Ignoring the fact that it was the middle of June, Alice arrived at the conclusion that the only logical reason for the sudden heat was the seaweed head messing with the thermostat again! So Alice quickly scanned the room for a drunken Gil, ready to kick him for his stupidity once she found him... Nope. No seaweed head.

"If you do that, then we will let you off the hook for now~" Now that caught her interest, but it still wasn't enough to set her at ease and Alice put her empty cup on the table. Even if she could not see it presently, she knew there was a catch somewhere. This was Lottie so there had to be!

"Promise?"

"On my honor of a barmaid." Lottie said honestly with putting her left hand over her heart and giving the general impression that she was an over-age girl scout.

"You are not a barmaid." Alice pointed out sceptically, but picked up the bottle. "So what do I do with it?"

"Drink as much as you can~" sing-songed the older girl with an expectant shine in her eyes and a wide smile as she plopped down on the coach next to the brunette.

"That's all? " Alice was surprised. This was not all, right? There had to be something more? Could it be that something crucial escaped her? "...not much of a challenge..." she added hesitantly.

"-in one gulp." If it was possible Lottie's smile grew even wider and Alice nearly dropped the bottle. See, there was something more! And she still didn't know what was in it by the way.

"What?!"

"Ah-ah!" Lottie wiggled her finger in front of Alice's nose. "Less talking, more drinking!"

"Fine." Alice grumbled as she pulled the bottle closer and readied herself for whatever horrors to come. You see, Alice was a clever girl and knew not to engage in meaningless fights she couldn't win anyway. This she learned the long and painful way from the clown. Also incidentally Lottie Baskerville happened to be person number three she couldn't win an argument against (the first and second was Sharon and strangely enough that-bastard-Xerxes-Break).

Hmm, whatever nameless concoction that was in the damn bottle actually tasted quite nice, something closely resembling apples... that is until tears gathered in her eyes and she started to spit and cough it up all over the place. The cursed liquid started to burn her throat all the way down to her stomach! She was just about to put the devil's evil liquor down when Sharon's alarmed voice stopped her.

"Ah Alice, you mustn't put it down!"

"Huh?" was the only response she could force out from the choking mess her body currently was. "I-is there... something... wrong with... it?"

"Don't ask, just don't!"

Now that explained a whole lot of things. Or not. Was there super glue or shaving cream or something equally humiliating on it that she was not to know? Whatever it was, it couldn't be anything good Alice deducted from her friend's horrified look when she turned the bottle and carefully inspected it looking for any reason she was not allowed to put it down.

"Dafuq?" There was seven oddly placed marks on it that read from the top to the bottom: _'The truth I am marrying Xerxes Break is: curiosity, interest, joke, I'm a martyr, because of his clothes, he has a nice ass, true love.'_ Needless to say it was fate's irony that the level of the remaining horrible apple flavoured alcohol was somewhere between _'joke'_ and _'I'm a martyr'_.

"That's our lie-detector." stated Sharon quite proudly when Alice recovered from her surprise.

"Your... what?" Alice asked testily. She was unsure if she heard it right, but did Sharon say lie-detector?

"Our lie-detector." Sharon repeated patiently. "It seemed to be a fun way to know the real reason you are marrying Xerx-nii..." she added as an afterthought with a girly squee, but when Alice still resembled more of a carp out of water then a bride Sharon decided to explain it further. "You see it is used to measure the purity of the bride's feelings by making her drink as much as she can from an awful spirit and when she puts the bottle down the game ends." she looked somewhat expectantly at Alice and that unsettled the girl.

"What?" Alice asked already fearing the worst.

"You won't put it down now, would you?

'_Of course I will. This is a stupid game.'_ This was what she was about to say, but the words stuck in her throat when the other girls looked at her with Bambi-eyes and she cursed herself. This was a stupid tradition, if it was even one and they was even more stupid if they thought that proves anything. She did not have to continue drinking something that was so gross (and underhanded, pretending to be yummy then without any warning showing its awful taste) or explaining her decision to marry-

But then new thoughts filled her mind, ones that did not bother to move, even though she tried to shoo them away.

Why was she marrying him anyway? It did not matter that he proposed at a time when she was conveniently agreeing, because she could've broke it off at any other time. Why hadn't she done that? She had no intention to marry yet, still she-

No, the stupid bottle was wrong. The reasons it listed was all stupid and untrue. She was not curious, at least not about living with him. That was because she was living together with that white-haired freak for now more than a half-year and came to know all of his habits and little wierdnesses that came with it.

Was it interest? Hah, that was way too easy to disagree with! She never expected from nor forced him into anything, simply accepted and reciprocated anything that he gave her with his free will (be that his love or any of the trinkets he seemed way too happy to shower her with), and definitely was not interested in living her life in a circus (even if in the end she had ended up in one).

Or was it a joke? Nope, definitely not one. She was sick to the stomach to even think about someone would joke with something as precious as others' feelings.

Then was she a martyr? Definitely not. The Great Mistress Alice hated whining and was proud enough to find solutions for her own problems. She was also very proud of the fact that said solutions usually involved one of her (in?)famous drop-kicks or bitchslaps- especially if it somehow involved the Clown...

Was it his clothes that drove her crazy enough to be with that white-haired madman? Pfft, hell no. That she could say with complete surety. Even if he looked ridiculously handsome when he wanted to (usually when he was required to dress up for an occasion), normally he was like a loony that just escaped from a circus with that purple-black-white attire he sported.

Then what about his nice ass? No, that was no reason to marry- Alice shook her head vigorously, trying very hard to erase all mental images about clowns and asses– even if he did have a nice ass...

'_Fuck, now I sound like Sharon.'_ cringed Alice mentally, but looked around cautiously fearing a certain strawberry blond could somehow read minds and will kill her for it. Luckily she couldn't and Alice could go back to her silent debate without having to worry about becoming the Clowns partner in a ghost marriage. And no doubt she _will_ become one- heck, she could see Sharon dragging her dead body personally to the altar.

Alice mentally shuddered by all of its creepiness and forced herself to think of something positive, like meat and snowball fights, but still she could not keep out Sharon's gentle (but deadly) nagging and that annoying bottle just had to come back to her sight, didn't it?

See, the bottle was indeed stupid- she could easily infirm all of its suggestions! All, but one. And that one was something she was hesitant to acknowledge since day one... Because it just couldn't be. She was only twenty-one the day she met him and statistically speaking this thing between them had a very low chance to last (not that she did not want it to last, but they was still too young and what if someday they found someone they will think is better?). And to top it all it had an even lower chance to be true love.

And what was true love or love in general anyway? That she could not answer. But if it was something like the cliché _'butterflies in the stomach'_ and all that bullshit then Alice Baskerville could honestly and 100 percent surely say-

She was not in love with Xerxes Break. No, at least not in that overused and stereotyped way most described love. She did not feel butterflies waging war inside of her, nor did her heart race a million miles a second whenever he was as much as in a close vicinity to her.

The _something_ (for lack of a better word) that was between them did not feel anything like that. It was more complex and ridiculous for her to put it into words, yet it was simple and at the same time a chaotic tempest of emotions previously unknown to her and she was suddenly confused and afraid. Afraid, because it was the first time she felt this for someone and this strongly.

She felt happy and herself when she was with him, generally calm in his presence, yet at the same time he could just make her want to murder him and crush that absurd little doll of his. Then without any transition he could make her angry and frustrated when he ignored her or she could become worried when he was late (ha was late a lot, though he rarely made her wait) then in a minute she would feel reassured when he arrived home...

Of course, their relationship was never that innocent. There was merciless flirting and teasing on both sides wrapped in mean comments, backtalking and dropkicks mainly on Alice's part while there was perverted looks and smiles usually accompanied by words with double meaning (why couldn't that son of a bitch ever say openly what the hell he wanted?) and innuendo on the Clown's. And there was also lust. Actually, a whole lot of it since he proved to be incapable of keeping his hands away from her person and gah, it was frustrating to think of such things!

"Alice, are you all right?" Sharon's worried voice broke her from the nagging thoughts that ambushed her and she looked up at the strawberry blond, but when she saw Sharon emitting genuine concern Alice averted her eyes and started to study the bottle. Then Sharon. And the bottle again. "Alice?"

"Fuck." the brunette grunted then without further ado finished the last two third parts of the awful spirit.

"Ah, Alice you actually finished it!" Sharon clapped her hands happily while Alice fought a quiet, but bloody battle with Satan's apple flavored poison to keep her dinner down. "Now we can continue on with your next challenge!"

"...mkay..." slurred the brunette who was already half-asleep and getting dangerously close to fall down from the couch. The spirit was kicking in quite quickly.

Sharon smiled proudly. This was exactly where she wanted Alice. You see, she was racking her brain for some time now for an idea in order to make Alice a little more agreeing for the rest of the night when an albino little birdie just happened to whisper to her about Alice's _'most amusing intolerance to anything alcohol-related and her habit of alternating between speaking nonsense and stunning honesty'_.

"...so...where's my... prize?" it looked like Alice already had trouble of staying awake.

"You can't expect something for every great thing you do!" Alyss chuckled and stole the papers from Sharon. "By the way, this task's moral was: 'Look into the mirror. You don't have to do everything to gain everybody's liking."

"So... no meat?"

"Yup! And so your next task is to..." After a few flip of the Papers of Doom as Alice called it, Alyss looked at her twin with a glance that Alice knew from their childhood that it did not promise anything good for her. "Ah, here it is! You'll have to write and send a love text to him with the words we give you!"

And that was the point where Alice had decided it was enough. There was so much noise in her head that she could barely hear anything that was said for her and the fuck was the seaweed-head playing with that thermostat again? She swore to smash to pieces the damn thing along with that raven haired servant of hers when she finds him.

And so Alice stood to deliver a few dropkicks and bitchslaps to that nasty servant who was messing with the heating yet again (or so Alice thought), but the shop's floor had another idea and just made a complete left and right turn out of the blue! She nearly crashed into the glass table in front of her if not for the combined effort of the three Sharons and Lotties to keep her upright. What the hell? Why was it trying to kill her? She moped that ungrateful bastard every morning!

"Where are you going, Alice? You surely don't plant to be a party-pooper, right? We still have some lessons for you~" Sharon hugged Alice before gently nudging her back to her seat and Alice complied lifelessly.

"Yay, Sister is staying!" Alyss chirped unknowing to what had transpired before her. "So my word is... ah, I know! Horsie!"

"Then I choose schoolgirl!" Sharon sing-songed as she sat down to the other side of Alice, thus blocking her only way to escape.

"Strawberry." Ada said timidly as she finished the last of her strawberry flavoured lemonade. "What about you, Echo?"

"Janta-kun."

"Can I too?" Lily asked excitedly and the others nodded. "Hmm what should I choose?" Lottie's shadow with short hair mushed up her face with concentration. "Bandersnatch!" she exclaimed proudly. "What about you Lottie?"

"Combine. What, it _is_ supposed be humiliating." Lottie defended her choice when the other girls gave her a funny look.

"So there you have it, Sister. You have about two minutes to write it then you have to read it out aloud before sending it!"

'_Wow, those was the most random words to write a text with!'_ That's what Alice would've thought if she had the clarity for thoughts like that. Instead her mind was filled with _'huh? where's that h button?' 'I just saw it a moment ago?' 'how is combine even written?'_

"You finished already, Alice?" the horrible observation was made by none other than the ever watchful Lottie when her brown-haired co-worker was staring onto the display of her phone for a very long time now (and they also ran out of conversation topics for now).

"...can't find... h..." Alice answered with the most serious tone, her eyes never leaving the display as if she watched it long enough the h will magically appear.

"What do you need an 'h' for?" Lottie asked not sure if she wanted to know the answer. A serious Alice was not an Alice she saw frequently. Nor was a logically thinking Alice for that matter, but right now let's stick with the serious one, shall we?

"...my name..."

"There's no 'h' in Alice." corrected the pinkette as she snatched Alice's mobile from her hand. "Now let me see what you came up with!" she barely even said that before she burst into laughter. "This-this is hilarious!"

"Really? Let me see it!" perked up Alyss and she scooted next to the pink haired waitress.

"...give...give it back!... not...finished!" a very flushed Alice simultaneously made a move to get the device back (it was bad enough that Lottie read it, there was no need for Alyss to see it too- she will never stop with the teasing), but Lottie hold it out for both of the girls' reach and pressed the camera's button on her own phone.

"No way, this goes to 9GAG!"

"Ah, no fun! We was supposed to hear it too!" Alyss pouted with Sharon.

"If you really want to see it you can do it on 9GAG. I'm sure it will make it onto hot page by morning." a quick shooting out of her tongue to the others as she deleted the text and Lottie tossed back the mobile to Alice.

"Then is it a win or a lose?" inquired Ada, who was surprisingly quiet up till now. She too was curious about the text's contents, but decided not to complain and just check it out in the morn- in fact, fuck that. Her own mobile had wi-fi and she could check out the vote page instead of wondering the whole time that was left of the bachelorette party!

"Definitely a win." Lottie was unwavering about her judgement, but cracked up every time she (be it purposeful or unintentional) glanced at Alice.

"Okay, then-" Alyss hummed as she searched in the now considerably flatter gift bag they prepared for the brown-haired girl and fished out a small plastic box. "Hey Sister, don't just go ahead and sleep! Hey!" she shook her sister gently when she noticed Alice was finally out of it. Never underrate the power of _pálinka_. Especially the honeyed or the bedded one. Or anything that comes from Hungary and have a proof of more than 40°

"Now, your prize for splendidly solving this task is: this!" Alyss presented proudly the little box to her still sluggish twin. She was the one who searched through half the country until she found the perfect one, a frilly white lace grater with a baby blue ribbon and a heart-shaped pendant in the middle of it.

"Huh?" There was it again, that little turn of her head to the side that made her so cute and Sharon squeed. She was just way too lovely not to cuddle and hug and adopt and... am I wandering too far from our story? Then please excuse your useless authoress and let us go on with the plot, shall we?

"It's the _something blue_, dummy." explained Alyss with an excited gleam in her pretty purple eyes. "Make sure to have him twirled around your little finger by the time you make it to wherever you will stay for your wedding night."

"She won't have it by then." Lottie interjected with a knowing look as she cleaned up the tables a bit with stacking the used plates in a neat little tower and gathering the empty glasses and bottles.

"She won't?" it was the white-haired twin's turn to tip her head to the side in confusion and thus earning her place on Sharon's _'must adopt as own children'_ list.

Lottie sighed and beckoned to the girl before she started to whisper to her. It was amusing to see the white-haired girl's face lit up with understanding while the pinkette explained that particular tradition to her and the little undergarment's role in it. When she got to the end of it, Alyss clapped her hands together in glee. "That sounds fun too!"

"Didn't you forget something, Alyss?" it was Lily's turn to remind the white-haired girl to her duty as co-organizer when she plopped down next to her twin and stealing Lottie's place.

"Ah, yes!" Alyss whipped out the creased paper from under one of the pillows on the couch and started to read in her most serious tone. "The moral of this task was: _'Nothing's working out by itself, if you talk, you can achieve more.'_

"How is that achieving anything? You just made her write a text." Lily interjected. There was days when she seriously didn't know what was the other girls thinking.

"And a very funny one. I'm sure half of the planet laughs their asses off right now." Lottie shouted out from the kitchen area at the back of the little shop.

"Any idea about what to do now, Sharon? We're running out of gifts." it was Ada who broke the silence that settled between the girls while they waited for Lottie's return.

"And morals." Alyss added as she scanned through the paper searching for the ones they had yet to use.

"How many are there left?" the strawberry blonde asked and when her partners in crime showed up very few fingers she springed up from her seat. "Then we should skip a few tests and focus on the more important ones."

"Which one should be the next?" Ada wondered as she skipped through the crumpled sheet.

"Hmm, this sounds fun enough." Lily pointed at one near the end of the list.

"Which one?" Sharon asked and when the short-haired girl showed her, a Cheshire cat grin spread on her face before she waltzed to Alice. Said brunette was already curled up in the couch and sound asleep. This only made the strawberry blonde smile more as she prepared to use what she had learned from her Big Brother. Yes, none other than the Secret Break Technique: Wake Alice-kun no jutsu!

"Hey, don't sleep Alice! It's the sign of weakness~" and she had gently blown into the other girl's face to which her lashes fluttered. It was effective!

"Shut it... Clown... idiot." she muttered as she turned on her other side and with that she was back in Dreamland again leaving behind a slightly disappointed Sharon.

"Very well then. I did not want to resort to this, but you leave me no choice, Alice. It's time for Plan 2.0!" the strawberry blonde chuckled before she brushed aside the chocolate-brown locks from her shoulders. "Hey Alice, there's barbeque for lunch~" Sharon whispered and the brunette's eyes sprung open.

"...really?" she asked groggy, still under the dazing spell of alcohol, but pouted when she did not saw any meat. Sharon could not hold back a soft chuckle.

"No. But we have something better: your next challenge is to draw with your left hand!"

"...no, thanks..."

"Aw, and here I thought the Great Mistress Alice was not afraid to show off her superb skills to her subjects." This was another secret skill she learned, this time from Oz. It was called _'Act Sulky Until You Get What You Want'_

"Fine."

Maybe the brunette was a little too quick to agree, even in her drunken (or more agreeing as Xerx-nii would say it) state, but Sharon payed no heed to it. She gave her a pen and a clean paper and watched as the younger girl picked them up.

"Draw something nice, like the resort Xerx-nii brought you on your birthday."

Alice snorted upon hearing that and it looked like she was about to say something unpleasant. But then she looked down focusing hard. Sharon watched quietly as a doodle formed from the uncertain lines the girl drew with her shaky hand. Drawing was not her strong point even when Alice was sober, still Sharon watched mesmerized as the random lines connected into one fuzzy picture of a shack and two stick-people and circles bigger then their head fall all around them.

"So you went to ski?" Ada asked trying to figure out which stickman was Alice and which was her fiancé when Alice flopped the finished drawing onto the middle of the glass table with a triumphant hum.

"Not ski. Freeze. Stupid Clown Bastard." Alice corrected with an unpleasant shiver running down her back. The Clown was the only one in this whole world who could view something like sleeping in a damned cottage right in the middle of a snowy nowhere with no electricity and only wet wood to make a fire as _'fun'_.

There was a moment when Alyss' eyes flared up with something dark and dangerous before the white-haired girl flipped open her phone and started to mess with it with such emphasis that made even Echo gulp. Sharon was not too fond of the idea of finding the dismembered body of her big brother figure in a sewer or something equally messy so she hurried along to the next task.

"Hey, Alice, let's do something fun!"

"...fun?" Alice had a very bad premonition. The two girls had a very different idea of what was _'fun'_.

"Yup. How about you make some Xerx-nii shaped woodoo dolls from this puffed corn bites?" the strawberry blonde held up a big pack of said treats with an unreadable smile and in a minute all of Alice's caution and common sense was thrown into the wind. "Stickmans doesn't counts."

She worked quickly with forgetting the tip of her tounge outside her lips in her deep concentration, lightly dipping each piece into a colourless liquid that was left in the bottom of a forgotten glass before carefully pressing them to the one next to it.

Fifteen minutes later she sit back pleased with her work: and overly stylized stickman with three smaller pieces sticking out of the top of its head, possibly as a form of hair. It had no eyes or any features whatsoever (and in no way- not even in a simplistic one- looked like Break), its head was only an empty circle, but the brunette seemed satisfied with the way it looked like.

"Finished."

"But isn't it missing something?" Alyss wiggled her eyebrows suggestively when she looked it over and thanked Lottie, who was handing out the next round of drinks.

"No. He's perfect."

"Then I truly pity you." said Lottie after taking a look at stick-Break over the girl's shoulder. It was hard to see, the only source of light was from the candles scattered around the little shop, as they turned off the electric lights hours earlier in favour of providing a more intimate atmosphere.

Alice was right in the middle of firing back something very nasty when Sharon cleared her throat. When everybody's attention was directed at her and she spoke excitedly.

"Unfortunately our night is slowly coming to an end, but before we part, let us have fun one more time while the bride here proves that she is ready to marry." there was a loud growl coming from Alice, but Sharon did not seem to notice it. "Alyss and I prepared a little quiz about Xerx-nii that you will have to answer. With each good answer you'll earn a coupon that you can use any time." she took out little yellow and pink heart-shaped papers. "But answer incorrectly or run out of the fifteen second time limit and you'll have to take a penalty shot."

"Bring it on!" The nine vodka shots that the girls palmed off on Alice in the last half an hour brought forth the brunette's competitive side.

"Okay, the first question is: What socks was he wearing in your first date?" Sharon looked up expectantly at Alice, but the brunette only laughed.

"That's easy! Black."

"Correct!" and with a smile she picked out a coupon that read _'picnic'_ from the bag and handled it to Alice.

"Can I read the next one?" Alyss smiled when the strawberry blonde handled her the paper and she read out aloud the next question. "Whose is the first name in his mobile?"

"Mine."

"Yup, here you go." this time a pink one was given to her and Alice blushed.

"I-I can get this w-whenever I w-want." she stuttered embarrassed and looked at Echo who was her next questioner.

"How old was he when he first kissed?"

"Fourteen." another pink paper. Alice didn't even looked at this one before she tossed on top of the others.

"What was his sign in kindergarten?" Ada asked after a big yawn. She was up way after her normal curfew.

"Hard candy."

"Had he ever ate snails?" Alyss' giggle came from the armchair opposite from Alice.

"Hell no."

"Aw, she even answered in the same way!" this time a yellow heart was added to the ever-growing stack with the inscription of _'massage'_.

"How many birth-marks are on his stomach?" the paper drifted to the impishly smiling Lottie.

"None."

"You know this well, huh _Alice-kun_?" she handed the pink paper to the other girl, but before Alice could _'get up and feed the damn thing'_ to her frenemy (and beat into her head not to use the Clown's annoying pet name for her), Lily already fired her question.

"What is the three thing he would take with him to an uninhabited island?"

"Candies, tea..." a longer pause. "...and me?"

"Yup."

"Whom did he sat next to in elementary school?" it was Sharon's turn again.

"Four-eyes."

"I think we can accept that." she said before passing the paper.

"How many filled teeth does he have?"

"None."

"Huh, there must be a mistake." Alyss searched though both sides of the paper, hoping to find anything that says otherwise. Nope. Nothing. "But he always stuffs himself with sweets!"

"Yup, but he have enough common sense to brush his teeth afterwards unlike a certain someone." Alice chuckled and her twin cradled her left cheek as if the pain of the dental drill came back.

"Which two of your body parts is his favourites?"

"Breasts and ass." Alice answered confidently, but Lottie imitated the buzzing sound that signaled the wrong answer in the quiz shows.

"Wrong _Alice-kun_! The correct answer is eyes and hair!" the strawberry pinkette even mimicked the voice of the presenter's annoying voice. "Now take your penalty with dignity!" she said as she passed a small shot of the apple flavoured monstrosity to the horrified brunette. In favour (or extreme stupidity) of Alice, she drank it in one gulp.

"Which film did you two saw first together?"

"Kontroll."

"In which pose is he sleeping?"

"On his right side."

In the next half an hour Alice answered the various (and sometimes random) questions the other girls fired at her with varying results. She could correctly answer questions like _'what is his favourite food and drink'_ (hah, it was obviously lollipop and tea), _'when was his first time'_ (they could barely hear _'sixteen'_ through her low grumble) and _'what was your latest argument'_ (it was easy: Batman or Avengers. Hey, it was important! Stop laughing damnit!), but she could not figure out _'his first word'_, which later turned out to be _'woof'_. How unexpectedly simple.

In that first laughter filled half an hour however, the girls got comfortable enough for the juicier questions and merciless teasing to Alice's genuine horror. She dared not to say anything, lest she incur Sharon and Alyss' wrath combined with Lottie's jibes and instead focused on giving as many correct answers as possible. _'Leave them as little area to attack as possible'_ or so the Clown would say if he was here.

"Which finger on his foot is the longest?"

"...toe?" Now, that took some time to figure out, but at least it was correct.

"What was the name of his first girlfriend?"

"Emily." it escaped her mouth before she could think the answer through and Lottie wasted no time to poke fun of her.

"Wrong again, _Alice-kun_! It's Florence." It may be the alcohol she consumed so far, but after this particular- the seventh if she remembers correctly, though the details was very fuzzy- the Antichrist's apple flavoured inferno actually started to taste good.

"How many white hairs does he have?" Lily asked giddily and Alice could not avoid to join in the laughing.

"All of it." she snickered evilly and shakily took another yellow heart.

"How cruel, Alice-" And with that Ada Vessalius was out of the count.

"How many lumps of sugar does he drinks his tea with?" Alyss jumped on the chance to ask another question. By this time the paper did not advanced in a circle between them, but instead the questions came from whomever that could get the question sheet.

"Twelve."

The unbelieving murmur that swept over the circle was only hushed by Sharon's confirmation. "He indeed has that many."

"How tall is he?" another question came from, this time from Echo.

"...dunno." without further ado Alice downed another, the eight glass. More than twenty questions so far and only eight penalty shots. Hey, she was pretty good so far!

"He says 180 centimetres."

"Psh, yea right!" the brunette giggled openly and picked up another card before narrowing her eyes and signaling that she is out from this round. "He just wants to..."

"What does he hates and what does he fear most?" it was Alyss who got hold of the sheet this time and she looked strangely curious.

"Spending a weekend with sewer rats."

"What does that even mean?" the white-haired girl asked confused as she rotated the paper left and right hoping that it will make more sense in another angle.

"Who knows?" Alice waved dismissively and put down a card while mumbling _'stupid clowny bastard'_.

"When and where had you met first?" yet another question, this time from Lily.

"Here, three years ago."

"His favourite colour?"

"Purple."

"What did he say, what is the five things he loves in you?" it was Alyss' turn again.

"Dropkick, bitchslap, backhand chop, punch, normal kick." Alice answered without missing a beat and thrown down her cards in defeat, sending mean glares to Lottie who was merrily packing away her prize: a voucher that Alice will do all the dishes for three weeks after she comes back from her honeymoon.

"Umm, Sister, he said innocence, naiveté, cuteness, smile and honesty, not particularly in that order." her twin corrected as the other girls cooed. That woke up Ada and so the next turn was hers.

"What was his first compliment or present?" she read out sleepily and stifling a large yawn.

"A bunch of marzipan roses."

"How cute!" the girls giggled and Sharon used that opportunity to take hold of the heavily crumpled sheet.

"When and where did he first kiss you?"

"In the middle of the pedestrian precinct during the Christmas fair 3 years ago." Alice remembered clearly that night. The busy crowd that browsed the stalls just two days before Christmas, their breaths coming out as white puffs in the cold, a shine in his one visible red eye that made it look like pretty dancing flames, the feel of soft, warm lips on hers and roasted chestnut on her tongue while little white snow crystals fall to the ground all around them...

Alice's cheeks darkened at least three different shades of red from the memory, but at the same time a small smile appeared on her face and her friends' coo intensified. But try as they might, the girls could not gouge any details out from her, because that precious memory was something she kept locked deep inside of her, cherishing till the end of her life...

"If Alice won't tell us anything then let's continue with the test!" Alice found it strange that the voice of reason (otherwise known as the one who told the others to back down and leave her alone) was Ada, but she was glad none the less. "What flavour will he be, if he would be an ice-cream?"

"Caramel."

"What is his favourite girl and boy name?" after a short struggle to decide who should ask the last two questions it was Alyss who came out victorious.

"Emily and dunno..."

"How cute, Sister!" Cute and Xerxes Break was something Alice had trouble imagining in the same sentence most of the time. "Looks like you whipped him good. It's Alice and don't have one in particular."

"Ah, let me have the last one!" Lily pleaded as the brunette finished off her tenth penalty drink and was overjoyed when the paper was handled to her. "How many hairs are there in his left shin. Answer with a number!"

"None."

The first sunrays already kissed the Earth when Alice could finally stagger home. She was tired and hungover-

No, she was still drunk that she could ascertain from the dizziness and light-headedness she still felt even after that game of Activity they played as closing (how in the blue hell could you simulate vaginal thrush and how the fuck was she supposed to guess it from Ada's random flailing?) and the funny vow she had to made them.

But as she stretched out on the cold sheets of the bed in their shared apartment and the Clown's sweet caramel scent filled up her nostrils, all Alice could think about was that maybe this marriage thing wasn't so bad after all...

* * *

**Authoress's Notes: **(and a very bad attempt at diverting attention from the long overdue update of Poison Princess -_-' Yes, sorry about that.) I wonder if being caught up in two weddings and (un?)luckily not one of them was my own is a good enough excuse. Probably not. But let me say how sorry I am and I promise after I finish my exams (I'm in my final year) I'll get back to work on it with 200%  
And let this be a little consolidation until the next chapter of Poison Princess comes out. I have written most of Sin X, but I need to rewrite Sin IX first, because I left out an important part (idiot me)...  
Well, aren't you the lucky ones to receive a present from me on my birthday~ *cough*  
This little piece was inspired by and is dedicated to my best friend (also known as my Wifey), who got married this summer. You little bigamist, you! =)  
About the title: _'petrezselymet árulni'_ (_'selling parsley'_ in rough translation because I know how much you all like my Hungarian word games *dodging rotten tomatoes*) is the Hungarian way of saying _'to be a wallflower'_ or _'to be left in the basket'_ (or so my dictionaries say) and is also a popular game at a bachelorette party. Speaking of tradition, if the garter part is unclear (I don't know if they do this in other countries too) in Hungary the groom takes it off his bride's thigh with his teeth and throws it into the crowd. It's actually like a male version of bouqet throwing =) and just now I envision Oz being happy and excited (and Break not so gleeful) about this particular tradition XD  
Also Kontroll (internationally known as Control) is a Hungarian thriller and one of my all time fav movies =)  
Anyway, this is my first (and failed) attempt at writing humor, still I hope you like it, because I plan this to have at least 3 or 4 more chapters, though I prioritize Poison Princess above everything else, so it will take a shitload of time before I update.  
If it's unclear the _'something old'_ here is the tradition of a bachelorette party. I will make every chapter about one piece of the rhyme so if you want to you can guess what _'someting new'_ will be. To make it interesting I offer the first one to answer correctly that I will fulfill any of their fic request! (Though it will take some time!)  
Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think! =)


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